How to survive and thrive when you have lost someone. It is hard to begin with, your mind is always in the past and the future is hard to see. It is like the pages in your book of life have been torn out and new ones have yet to be written. During this time I found that it takes support, compassion and action! Planning and simplifying expectation as I mentioned in the tips to help you through the biggest holiday event of the year Christmas!
This year, I too simplified my expectations, why it has been 3 years since Dad died. However, this year, I believe I would be in what is clinically known as reactionary grief. Although Mum is still with us, I have in essence lost her to Alzheimer’s. Instead of mum supporting me, I am that loving caregiver to her. So this year, yes I am simplifying.
I have been pondering now for a few days on how I can give you hope and I believe this may help. Our minds are so quick to jump and remind us of all that we have lost, however, in those times we could also remember all the things we have and are grateful for. The more we practice gratitude in our lives the more we will get to see it magic. I can now be grateful and I see the gifts he has left me with. I can speak about him with love and joy and not break down into tears or feel that tug at my heart.
As I looked back, I found these 7 gifts he had given to me. These will not be packed away gathering dust but rather they will be held in my heart and taken out when needed. Dad – you gave me….
My roots, my ancestors and family ties to the past
To see the beauty in the world through the lens of art and music
An awareness that you can thrive and succeed regardless of your limitations
By being present and always wanting what was best for me
Opportunity to voice my displeasure but also my praise and appreciation
Insight into the benefits of being prepared and looking before you leap statements
You introduced me to the world before I knew it existed and I knew your place in it
I am so grateful for these gifts.
What gifts have you been given – take a moment over the holidays to ponder and please let me know. I would be so happy to hear what you too have discovered