Growing up in the UK, there’s an unspoken belief that emotions are not welcome. It’s best to repress them and keep a stiff upper lip. This makes navigating the turbulent waters of grief incredibly daunting. After I lost my father, I discovered comfort and guidance in Karla McLaren’s book ‘The Language of Emotions.’ This book not only helped me to understand my grief but has since become a vital part of my work as a certified grief and loss coach.
Understanding Our Emotional Landscape
In our household, emotions were seldom discussed. Phrases like “If you want to cry, go to your room,” or “If you carry on laughing too much, you’ll end up crying,” were commonplace. This environment created a void of emotional literacy, leaving me ill-equipped to handle the grief experienced by my father’s passing.
During this period of intense mourning, a dear friend introduced me to McLaren’s work. Her book, ‘The Language of Emotions,’ provided me with a much-welcomed understanding and expression of my grief. As I delved into the pages, I realized the power and significance of our emotional spectrum.
From the Abyss of Grief to Healing
The book’s insights were so profound that when I became a certified grief and loss coach, I began to incorporate its teachings into my practice. One technique, which I like to call ‘How to Climb out of Life’s Emotional Abyss,’ has proven to be a powerful resource for many clients.
This method involves working with particularly triggering thoughts or statements that clients repeatedly tell themselves. By using a specific emotion in each sentence. This technique draws upon the research of Dr. David Hawkins, author of ‘Power vs Force,’ who found that each word carries a specific energy that can be measured.
The Power of Emotional Progression
This technique aims to help clients progress from feelings of apathy. According to Hawkins’ scale is at a low energy level of 50—to higher energy emotions such as anger, which stands at 150. Even this slight shift can make clients feel better. We’d continue to work with this tool throughout our sessions until we can reach the level of love. Love is at a high energy level of 500.
This technique is straightforward, and clients can easily use it independently. The result is a noticeable improvement in their emotional state, as they report feeling significantly better.
New Insights of Apathy and Anger
McLaren has since revised her book, adding many new insights. Such revisions include apathy and anger, and what questions to ask when dealing with these emotions. This additional information provides a deeper understanding of why clients grieving often fall into apathy. This insight alone further enhances the tool I use in my coaching practice.
The book ‘The Language of Emotions’ and how to work with them has proven invaluable in understanding and navigating the complicated emotions that accompany grief. When used with the techniques offered from the grief coaches toolkit and practiced, this offers a lifeline to those struggling with triggering cycling thoughts. providing a pathway out of the emotional abyss and towards healing. Unpacking and understanding our emotions can be a transformative process, leading us to survive our grief and thrive beyond it.