Life After Death? 

Yes, indeed, there is life after A death.  I’m sure you were curious to know if I was going to have some conclusive evidence to share with you.  I’m pretty certain there is but that is not my topic for the moment.  Let me explain…….

My Life Changed

November 17, 2011, began as a regular workday just like any other. I would drive to the office, say my hellos as I settled down to work.  This began by me unlocking my computer and while I was waiting, the phone rang and I answered it. I then drove to the hospital to meet mum.  Then two hours later we emerged, arm in arm numb and in shock. It was that one phone call, that would forever change our lives.

Once outside into a cool, overcast November day, pausing to see the traffic on the highway speeding by.  With passers-by walking and talking all going about their business.  To my mind, it seemed all wrong.  Then this urge to scream “STOP, don’t’ you know my dad has just died bubbled up!  It was confusing, their world got to continue while ours had stopped.  I would swallow hard, being British and knowing how mum hated scenes I couldn’t create a fuss.  Instead, I clutched her arm and stoically marched to the car. It was in that moment that I realized no one was coming to rescue us or take charge. We were on our own.

Our life from that moment on became one of business, no time to stop or think.  Just endless To Do lists, “I’ll put the kettle on” would be mum’s mantra.  I can’t even recall drinking any tea, but the kettle went on regardless.

Pivotal Moment #1

On the day of the funeral, it snowed, making everything look clean and fresh.  Odd I recall thinking, it is only mid-November; had snow even been in the forecast? Perhaps this was a message from dad letting me know he was Ok and not to be sad.  We were entering a new beginning for us all; a fresh clean page.  I certainly found it comforting and it allowed me to get through that day.

After the Funeral

There was a certain comfort in returning to work, I had my routine back.  My new routine would include a daily phone call to mum to see how she was. It was after the family returned to their own lives that I began to have trouble sleeping at night.  I no longer had the multiple distractions, instead, I’d awake tired and restless for the day. Eventually, I sought medical help, thinking that perhaps sleeping tablets were the answer.  This visit resulted in me being placed on medical leave.  I felt so guilty and wondered if there was something wrong with me.  Perhaps I was losing grip on reality or even malingering? A few of my colleagues had gone back to work after their parent’s funerals and appeared to be fine.

Seeking Help

I would later seek the help of a psychologist to help me understand what was happening to me.  It was the feelings of guilt that had me looking for answers.  Unfortunately, this wasn’t helpful as he couldn’t understand why I was looking for help so soon.  Good question – I was looking for answers that I didn’t have questions for.  I just needed guidance to help with the guilt and ease the pain.  I didn’t get any there.  Apparently, everyone’s grief is different and it takes time.  Even the books I read didn’t help much,  as they also agreed you never get over grief?  Rubbish, I thought and muddled along.

It didn’t take long for anger at feeling so helpless to show up. Finally, my boss, a surgeon gave me a clue. He called to see how I was doing, when I told him, his response was ”sounds like a reactionary depression”.   A lightbulb moment, if there was a name for it, others must have experienced this as well.  I was normal!  My healing journey continued. It seems people can get so busy with all the arrangements that there is no time to grieve.  This could result in your emotions getting blocked resulting in depression.

Many months later I found a coach to help me further.  A friend had recommended her, she apparently could see spirits. How could I not go to her!  She did healing sessions with angels and then we would look at my core value,  my needs, and my beliefs.  This work helped me connect me with me.  Once I had a plan in my hand I began to feel hopeful and more myself.

My Healing Journey and Pivotal Market #2

Later that year I went on a retreat with my friend who is intuitive and works with flower essence.  Interesting, believing I was healing, my friend would take me deeper into my grief.  It seems music and art are a good way to release any lingering or deep-seated emotions.  The exercise was to relax and listen to music as I was drawing.  The music she chose was jazz. My dad had loved jazz and he was an artist as well, so a fitting exercise for me for sure. How could it not work?

After a few hours, I needed to move and went for a walk by the ravine behind her house.  There is a bridge to cross and you can see a small stream that eventually flows into a pond.  All was peaceful and still as I walked around.  I heard all this commotion on the way back and saw it was the geese honking and flapping their wings.  I wasn’t sure if they were practicing for flight or deciding who would lead.  As I paused to observed they all took off and flew overhead.  In that moment, I asked the geese to take my grief with them.  I had decided it was time to let it go and return to the land of the living.  I hadn’t realized it at the time, but that was the 1^st anniversary of dad’s death.  What a coincidence or was it?

Life Continues – Pivotal Market #3

A few months later I decided to retire.  I realized that dad was not there to be disappointed by my decision to leave a good job with a pension.  That was his belief that and it had worked well for him but not so for me. I retired and 4 days later my next career found me. I would become a grief coach.

There is Life After A Death

As part of my online study course, I received free tickets to an event in LA that my mentor hosted. My daughter, living in London agreed to go with me and we would meet in LA.  It was on the last day of the event, after listening to death regrets stories and doing the exercises, I made a decision.  I announced to the room that I wanted to go on to do the certification program.  Life indeed was too short and I didn’t want to miss this opportunity.  I had seen my parents put off things in their lives.

Coincidence at work again?  For this would be the 2^nd anniversary of my dad’s death. It felt right and that I was on the right track.

Remember when  I said earlier that my world had stopped.  Well, it had in a sense for that chapter in my book had come to a close.  The next chapter in my new life without dad had yet to be written.  Perhaps this was why I couldn’t make sense of my life.  Now the next chapters were getting ready to be written.

The snow, the retreat, saying yes, was that Dad giving me comfort and helping me.  I believe Yes, there is life after death and life after A death – I’m living proof of that.

Now, I am happy to say as a grief coach, I can help you find your life after a loss.  If you’d like to find out more, please email anne@reconnect-from-grief.com and let’s connect.