Grief isn’t Just Reserved for a Death
….It is the loss of what is loved
With any loss change can be expected. Any change whether good or bad will affect how you are feeling. It is important to know that with loss, there is a period of grief that can be anticipated. It may mean your hopes and dreams are dashed and there lies a death. However, as the events from last week in the US unfold – change is a certainty. With uncertainty it is normal for fear to enter the picture.
No one relates changes to the process of mourning and grief – letting the old go. This is what is happening and it would appear that I am not alone with my feelings of grief. There appears to be a collective force gathering and they have been making their voices heard. Will this grief grow, possibly, until these confusing, emotions being experienced are recognized as grief – grieving the loss of what was. For most experiencing these emotions they just want to be soothed and comforted.
Resistance to what is
It is normal to feel resistance to change, why because the familiar is your security blanket. Imagine a small child who has lost its soother or favorite blanket – they become upset and are only comforted when Mom or Dad step in. It is no wonder we are seeing this acting out now for there is no one out there to give us our blanket back.
Alas, as adults there is no voice of reason or comfort coming to alleviate those fears.
Just as a hurt animal lashes out, a survival mechanism kicking in to protect. I guess it is a human one also. Judging with what is happening in America right now.
Who is there to calm our fear?
Yes, I am talking about the US election but only for context here. The country is both elated and in despair – love and fear are polar opposites. What we see is a great country imploding if the leaders can’t bring the two divides together. Who and where are the mediators, the voices of reason?
Remember the death of Princess Diana, the British and the world was visibly upset and in mourning. It took the Queen, the mother, the soother to step in, to steer and support those grieving. They then had one thing in common – their collective grief and it was given a voice.
Recognizing grief emotions
The feelings of shock were felt around the world recently after month upon month of denial. The collective shock is wearing off, having done its job (to protect). We are waking up to face what has been lost. Anger is now surfacing in face of what can’t be changed and blame is rising. The collective fear is rampant – fear always arises when the known is unknown (good fear is there to keep you safe and aware). Guilt and shame can arise and be thrown into the mix or emotions, their job is to alert us to what we may or may not have done – nothing more (not as punishment).
It is possible that these emotions will cycle around and around until the courage to look and understand what is being felt is found. Despair and depression are likely candidates to follow or worse Apathy –where caring ceases.
This is what grieving is about in response to a a loss.
What an opportunity for all who are grieving, to reach out, come together and for mutual support and guidance. To explore and come together with a common understanding of what it is that has been lost. To discover what would make you feel secure again and take back your security blanket. You can and will, once you have acknowledged and understand what your grief is about. This then is an opportunity to learn and grow and take your own power back; to find your own inner peace through acceptance. This is how you can make changes for the better.
What will you choose?
This is a process and you will get there if you allow yourself to go through the grief, for now is a time of mourning. A time for reflection not action. That will come once your head has cleared and clarity returns. It can start with you. Let love return not fear.