Grief isn’t Just Reserved for a Death

Grief isn’t Just Reserved for a Death

….It is the loss of what is loved

With any loss change can be expected.  Any change whether good or bad will affect how you are feeling.  It is important to know that with loss, there is a period of grief that can be anticipated.  It may mean your hopes and dreams are dashed and there lies a death.   However, as the events from last week in the US unfold – change is a certainty. With uncertainty it is normal for fear to enter the picture.

No one relates changes to the process of mourning and grief – letting the old go. This is what is happening and it would appear that I am not alone with my feelings of grief. There appears to be a collective force gathering and they have been making their voices heard. Will this grief grow, possibly, until these confusing, emotions being experienced are recognized as grief – grieving the loss of what was. For most experiencing these emotions they just want to be soothed and comforted.

Resistance to what is
It is normal to feel resistance to change, why because the familiar is your security blanket. Imagine a small child who has lost its soother or favorite blanket – they become upset and are only comforted when Mom or Dad step in. It is no wonder we are seeing this acting out now for there is no one out there to give us our blanket back.

Alas, as adults there is no voice of reason or comfort coming to alleviate those fears.

Just as a hurt animal lashes out, a survival mechanism kicking in to protect. I guess it is a human one also. Judging with what is happening in America right now.

Who is there to calm our fear?
Yes, I am talking about the US election but only for context here. The country is both elated and in despair – love and fear are polar opposites.  What we see is a great country imploding if the leaders can’t bring the two divides together. Who and where are the mediators, the voices of reason?

Remember the death of Princess Diana, the British and the world was visibly upset and in mourning. It took the Queen, the mother, the soother to step in, to steer and support those grieving. They then had one thing in common – their collective grief and it was given a voice.

Recognizing grief emotions
The feelings of shock were felt around the world recently after month upon month of denial. The collective shock is wearing off, having done its job (to protect). We are waking up to face what has been lost. Anger is now surfacing in face of what can’t be changed and blame is rising.   The collective fear is rampant – fear always arises when the known is unknown (good fear is there to keep you safe and aware). Guilt and shame can arise and be thrown into the mix or emotions, their job is to alert us to what we may or may not have done – nothing more (not as  punishment).

It is possible that these emotions will cycle around and around until the courage to look and understand what is being felt is found.  Despair and depression are likely candidates to follow or worse Apathy –where caring ceases.

This is what grieving is about in response to a a loss.

What an opportunity for all who are grieving, to reach out, come together and for mutual support and guidance. To explore and come together with a common understanding of what it is that has been lost.  To discover what would make you feel secure again and take back your security blanket.  You can and will, once you have acknowledged and understand what your grief is about.  This then is an opportunity to learn and grow and take your own power back; to find your own inner peace through acceptance. This is how you can make changes for the better.

What will you choose?
This is a process and you will get there if you allow yourself to go through the grief, for now is a time of mourning. A time for reflection not action. That will come once your head has cleared and clarity returns. It can start with you. Let love return not fear.

It’s Valentine’s Day – head to the hills.   If this is your first thought?

It’s Valentine’s Day – head to the hills. If this is your first thought?

What about….. To Thine own Self be True – Be your own Valentine!

Vintage of pink tree heart shape ,paper art texture

Vintage of pink tree heart shape ,paper art texture

When you are in love, who doesn’t love Valentine’s Day? Perhaps you have become jaded and don’t need a special day to remind you of the one you love. It may be you are alone this year with no special person in your life? Perhaps the person you loved has died and this day is one of those commercial reminders of what you have lost?

Regardless of your circumstance it is yet another painful time of the year. It is as if the world becomes coloured in red – the colour of love and everywhere you look is just a constant reminder of your relationship status. Yes, it is easy for you to start to berate yourself and tell yourself that you are not worthy of love, not good enough or any other old story that you have told yourself repeatedly.

Too often you can focus on what isn’t right in your life or what you are lacking way too much that it can become a self fulfilling prophecy. Instead, focus on what you can do to change your circumstances. What would you like your life to look like? It is when you do the inner work instead of always looking for the lack in your outer world; can you connect to yourself, be your own best friend, mentor and take care of your own needs and desires. Fall in love with yourself. Make this day about getting to know you again. What do you really enjoy doing and plan accordingly. Love flowers – buy your own and enjoy being able to do so. Have a romantic meal just for one. Take your time and eat it slowly savoring each mouthful. Put on the music, dance and have fun.

When you focus on yourself and can be happy for no other reason than being; then you will find your energy changes and you can naturally attract that special someone. Chances are you will be in a different space. Sometimes it is when you don’t need a relationship that you find yourself in one – effortlessly.

If the person you loved has died, this day is nothing more than a painful reminder of what you had. It is harder for you to look for another love relationship too quickly and chances are you will not wish to. Instead look to the happy memories you created to see what it was that you enjoyed about those moments. Cry, and know this is very healing. It is when you force yourself to be brave and do what others expect of you that you are denying yourself the opportunity to heal. No need to be brave. So take the time you need on Valentine’s Day to celebrate and remember the special someone who is no longer in your life. Visit the graveside and mourn. Then take time to do what you would enjoy doing. Crying and being sad is fine for the moment but acknowledge how you are feeling, let it pass and find something to laugh about. It is the laughter than can help to change your thoughts which will help raise your energy.

Just for today – Be your own Valentine – spoil yourself!

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