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Celebrating Mother’s Day without her?

How Do You Celebrate Indeed?

You celebrate this day in a way that feels good for you.  These are your emotions, feelings and thoughts, don’t allow this National Day to make you feel your grief more deeply, especially out of guilt.  If you get a sense that you should celebrate it because everyone else is, question why.  If this is your first year without your mom, the rawness felt on this day can almost feel the same as the day of the death.  It is something to be aware of, expect it and don’t expect more of yourself this year.

If you yourself are a mother, this can be doubly hard as your children will want to celebrate you and this may be uncomfortable for you.  If the children are older, it can be an opportunity for you to share how you are feeling about your mom no longer being there physically for you.  It may give your children that opportunity to share how they are feeling without their gran.  Yes, there could be tears but you are teaching your children a valuable lesson.  Your emotions and theirs are an important part of being human and as such, it is OK to allow the tears.  Give them and yourself permission to do so.

Low Key Celebration Perhaps?

If you know you are going to feel emotional, perhaps scale back the celebrations. Have a small brunch at home rather than going out to a restaurant.  Just know it is ok to not celebrate, take the time to be by yourself instead.  Sometimes alone time can be the gift all children can give their moms.  It can be a luxury for them.

Healing your heart will take time as you adjust to the new normal of your mom no longer being there for you, to chat, to hug or offer advice.  Some people say that you will never get over your  loss.  To me, that is their belief and if you choose to believe it also then do so. However, if you believe you will heal, like I do and will move on, then this will be your reality.  I prefer to hold memories of my mother in my heart, thinking about her and our life together with fondness instead of tears.  I chat to her regularly, I keep a picture of us that I see regularly when I’m dusting.  I will share my news with her as if she is still alive.  I believe she would not wish to see me in pain and suffering.

Create a New Ritual

However you celebrated Mother’s Day with your mom, perhaps you could chose to do something different.  It may be to plant a tree or flowers in her honour. Spend some time in quiet contemplation, journaling perhaps or doing something fun for yourself if she was all about fun. Most of all, don’t entertain the “should haves”. Instead create a guilt free day of honouring your mom and the mother you are.  If you never had children, or your own child has died take time to honour you and how you are feeling.  Honour
them both with fresh tears.  When you allow the tears to wash away your sadness, you can make room for your joy to return, giving you strength to appreciate all the good that is in your life.

It’s Valentine’s Day – head to the hills.   If this is your first thought?

It’s Valentine’s Day – head to the hills. If this is your first thought?

What about….. To Thine own Self be True – Be your own Valentine!

Vintage of pink tree heart shape ,paper art texture

Vintage of pink tree heart shape ,paper art texture

When you are in love, who doesn’t love Valentine’s Day? Perhaps you have become jaded and don’t need a special day to remind you of the one you love. It may be you are alone this year with no special person in your life? Perhaps the person you loved has died and this day is one of those commercial reminders of what you have lost?

Regardless of your circumstance it is yet another painful time of the year. It is as if the world becomes coloured in red – the colour of love and everywhere you look is just a constant reminder of your relationship status. Yes, it is easy for you to start to berate yourself and tell yourself that you are not worthy of love, not good enough or any other old story that you have told yourself repeatedly.

Too often you can focus on what isn’t right in your life or what you are lacking way too much that it can become a self fulfilling prophecy. Instead, focus on what you can do to change your circumstances. What would you like your life to look like? It is when you do the inner work instead of always looking for the lack in your outer world; can you connect to yourself, be your own best friend, mentor and take care of your own needs and desires. Fall in love with yourself. Make this day about getting to know you again. What do you really enjoy doing and plan accordingly. Love flowers – buy your own and enjoy being able to do so. Have a romantic meal just for one. Take your time and eat it slowly savoring each mouthful. Put on the music, dance and have fun.

When you focus on yourself and can be happy for no other reason than being; then you will find your energy changes and you can naturally attract that special someone. Chances are you will be in a different space. Sometimes it is when you don’t need a relationship that you find yourself in one – effortlessly.

If the person you loved has died, this day is nothing more than a painful reminder of what you had. It is harder for you to look for another love relationship too quickly and chances are you will not wish to. Instead look to the happy memories you created to see what it was that you enjoyed about those moments. Cry, and know this is very healing. It is when you force yourself to be brave and do what others expect of you that you are denying yourself the opportunity to heal. No need to be brave. So take the time you need on Valentine’s Day to celebrate and remember the special someone who is no longer in your life. Visit the graveside and mourn. Then take time to do what you would enjoy doing. Crying and being sad is fine for the moment but acknowledge how you are feeling, let it pass and find something to laugh about. It is the laughter than can help to change your thoughts which will help raise your energy.

Just for today – Be your own Valentine – spoil yourself!

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