Celebrating Mother’s Day without her?
How Do You Celebrate Indeed?
You celebrate this day in a way that feels good for you. These are your emotions, feelings and thoughts, don’t allow this National Day to make you feel your grief more deeply, especially out of guilt. If you get a sense that you should celebrate it because everyone else is, question why. If this is your first year without your mom, the rawness felt on this day can almost feel the same as the day of the death. It is something to be aware of, expect it and don’t expect more of yourself this year.
If you yourself are a mother, this can be doubly hard as your children will want to celebrate you and this may be uncomfortable for you. If the children are older, it can be an opportunity for you to share how you are feeling about your mom no longer being there physically for you. It may give your children that opportunity to share how they are feeling without their gran. Yes, there could be tears but you are teaching your children a valuable lesson. Your emotions and theirs are an important part of being human and as such, it is OK to allow the tears. Give them and yourself permission to do so.
Low Key Celebration Perhaps?
If you know you are going to feel emotional, perhaps scale back the celebrations. Have a small brunch at home rather than going out to a restaurant. Just know it is ok to not celebrate, take the time to be by yourself instead. Sometimes alone time can be the gift all children can give their moms. It can be a luxury for them.
Healing your heart will take time as you adjust to the new normal of your mom no longer being there for you, to chat, to hug or offer advice. Some people say that you will never get over your loss. To me, that is their belief and if you choose to believe it also then do so. However, if you believe you will heal, like I do and will move on, then this will be your reality. I prefer to hold memories of my mother in my heart, thinking about her and our life together with fondness instead of tears. I chat to her regularly, I keep a picture of us that I see regularly when I’m dusting. I will share my news with her as if she is still alive. I believe she would not wish to see me in pain and suffering.
Create a New Ritual
However you celebrated Mother’s Day with your mom, perhaps you could chose to do something different. It may be to plant a tree or flowers in her honour. Spend some time in quiet contemplation, journaling perhaps or doing something fun for yourself if she was all about fun. Most of all, don’t entertain the “should haves”. Instead create a guilt free day of honouring your mom and the mother you are. If you never had children, or your own child has died take time to honour you and how you are feeling. Honour
them both with fresh tears. When you allow the tears to wash away your sadness, you can make room for your joy to return, giving you strength to appreciate all the good that is in your life.