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Lets Talk About Grief with Anne – Teens and Drugs – Interview with Suzanne Winlove-Smith

Lets Talk About Grief with Anne – Teens and Drugs – Interview with Suzanne Winlove-Smith

Our interview today is with Suzanne Winlove-Smith, a mediation strategist with the Ottawa Courts.

Suzanne is with us today to see if we can uncover much more to what is underneath this escalating issue facing society worldwide with our teen deaths due to drug overdoses.  In her work with kids, as she lovingly calls them, she sees the stresses and level of pain that these young people are experiencing.  In her words, “there is an epidemic of anxiety out there”

Here is an outline of some of the topics covered in today’s conversation.

  1. When getting married, no one thinks about it ending in divorce
  2. Divorce brings up so much fear in couples
  3. It is the death of their hopes and dreams and these need to be grieved before moving on
  4. When it gets to the courts there is already so much anger causing people to behave badly
  5. Children are often forgotten and will make up their own stories about it all being their fault
  6. Adults forget that their kids hear and feel things that may not be spoken
  7. Adverse childhood event studies have shown 4 or more can lead to addiction
  8. More education and understanding about relationships and divorce
  9. Adults need to take a stand and become Hero’s to their kids by modeling better behaviour
  10. More discussions about these hard to deal with topics – we don’t always have to have the answer but listening can be healing.

 

 

 

What’s Anger Got to Do with it ….? Grief that is

What’s Anger Got to Do with it ….? Grief that is

Yoga in its simplicity can unlock those unwanted, shoved down emotions you no longer want to deal with.  It lovingly brings them to light so you can do just that. Deal with them!

Copewithchaos
I realized I’d been sitting in a simmering soup of anger ever since my yin yoga class last week. I don’t normally experience any emotional releases during classes but last week doing one particular pose, I did experience tremendous anger welling up, while I was sitting in the position. I had to breathe deeply to relieve the pent up emotions whirling up inside me. I just wanted to jump up and start running around, perhaps shouting to relieve it. I didn’t think that would be too welcome considering where I was, instead I worked on staying put and breathing through it. Thankfully once we came out of the position and onto the next one, no more anger. What I didn’t recognize was that my anger had gone off the boil but wasn’t actively released. It merely simmered all weekend with little puffs being released at whatever angered me which seemed to be many things!

So when our Let’s Talk about Grief group began with a couple of posts about anger, somehow, this triggered mine off again. I decided I needed to work to release it or better still find out the source. One of the ways I do this is by using the Conscious Complaining exercise I shared with you. After about 4 rounds of filling up my scroll and burning it, I began to feel complete as my anger dissipated. I began to journal on the experience and what came up truly amazed me. It soon became very clear that my needs had been discounted for many years as I seemed to put everyone else’s in front of mine.

This is a common error many women make, as daughters, wives, mothers, employees. Over time we no longer know what constitutes as “I need”. Too often I don’t know what I truly need or want. Anger and frustration build when you discount your own needs often resulting in resentment. The emotion of anger is a fiery one and our anger is there to alert us when a boundary has been breached, be it an inner or outer one. In this case for me it was me breaching my own inner boundaries by negating my needs.

By the time I had finished journaling, I went on to create my own Charter of Needs.
I need to be respected, loved, treated with kindness, and cherished. I need for my needs to be treated seriously. I need to know what I need and share it lovingly.

This is just a few of what I wrote to give you as examples. We cannot expect others to know what we need unless we can give voice to what our own needs are.

I really enjoy doing conscious complaining because it can so often uncover things we have forgotten or are afraid to voice such as guilt over thinking of voicing something we did or didn’t do. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable at these times is powerful and you will be surprised at what is stirred up.
Of course, if conscious complaining sounds silly, then perhaps you could do some of the following to release what it is you feel angry about: beating a pillow or your bed with your fists, having a good workout or cleaning your home, washing floors anything that will get you moving so the anger can be released. Anger is an amazing emotion if you understand it. Anger is motivating and gets you moving. I will often bring a client into anger as we work together; its energy is much higher than grief. So if you are in anger – great take action and get moving.

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